Great is His Faithfulness His Mercies are New Every Morning

 Not too long after I wrote the Price of Eggs my computer was stolen. It just seems like since I arrived it's been one thing after another. I then moved into a new house but they wanted the years rent I was only able to pay for 4 months. I scrougged to save money at the end of  August beginning of September until my friend gave me options.

 She said "Kathryn, worst case scenario you can move in with my girls and I. Tell her you have paid through December you can either pay her again then or you can move out and she can find a new tenant. " I was relieved, I had options, life didn't seem so overwhelming. Then the lockdown hit hard with strict standards. I am alone again. 

While all this is overwhelming I find my joy in my Father and am reminded through my local Fellowship of Lamentations 3:21-23 "Yet there is one ray of hope: his compassion never ends. It is only the Father's mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his loving-kindness begins afresh each day." I need that right now. Someone else gave me a good idea of how to find my computer but with the lockdowns and fines I can't right now. Still hoping that He will make all things beautiful in His Time!

The Price of Eggs

 Let me begin this with I love what I do. I couldn't be more blessed. I used to be afraid of who I'd become, I used to be afraid of change, I used to believe that if either these happened I'd somehow lose a piece of myself, that I couldn't change for the good, that I would lose some of my kindness, gentleness, tenderness of heart, etc.

But wow in the last 13 years I've experienced all of above a lot. I'm proud to say that I am not the same woman who entered Laos 13 years ago. I'm no longer scared or at least not as scared of change, I've grown in confidence, strength, character, and while I may have lost my sense of naiveness I have not lost my innocence but continue to grow in my love for the Father. I am bolder, wiser and stronger than I ever thought I could be, and sometimes I'm afraid in a good way, like in awe of how He was able to take this child who thought the world would break her and mend her into His vessel for His will.

Guys, He loves us and guess what He loves our passions... 

I'm an internal processor which means my brain never stops! I'm constantly thinking through conversations that will never happen, quotes I want to share or experiences I want to explain but lately I hear a gentle whisper "Be still, my child." I used to think that being still meant physically still. I stink at that but now I think it might mean "Forget your conversations dear child. Even if no one else ever knows them I do. Child I am enough for you." Be still for me is equated with the realization that though I never feel like enough He makes me enough and while physically being still is good so is mentally. How many of you are mentally still? How many of you are okay with pausing your own thoughts to live in the moment, to access does it really need to be spoken or is it more important if I listen and am there. As a whole person tuned in.. 

A friend awhile ago got me hooked on Richard Rohr and this was in one of His devotions-"Only vulnerability forces us beyond ourselves. Whenever we see true pain, most of us are drawn out of our own preoccupations and want to take away the pain. For example, when we rush toward a hurting child, we also rush toward the suffering God. We want to take the suffering in our arms. That’s why so many saints wanted to get near suffering—because as they said again and again, they meet Christ there. It “saved” them from their smaller untrue self."

I've been learning to balance my needs with others, when to rush in, when to let go and to remember I am not God and thank God for that.

If you look at the title of this post you'd think what does this have to do with the price of eggs. 

You see I was going to write about all the trivial things I ran into today that frustrated me, a dirty fridge with cake and something spilled down the side, difficulty of getting groceries, eggs breaking so I only got one, missing how much more I can get for my money food wise in America but on my way to the cafe to write me I was struck by something else, shame.

That's right you see I was trying to put my eggs on my motorbike and one broke. So I was cleaning it at the sink of the store and threw away the broken one. A worker there at the store dug it out of the trash and gave it to a friend. At first I was disgusted, but then I felt a little ashamed. I mean it was only cracked a little bit but I couldn't, I'm privileged to be able to throw away the broken egg and so are a good portion of you reading this but then I thought

I'm that broken egg at times and the Father humbly pulls me out of the trash and wipes me off saying I'm not done with you. 

While today was overwhelming and sometimes life here is just more work, you also feel the value of things and realize what's important to you.

Yesterday when I got out I had a wonderful evening with friends, dinner, sunset over the river and board games. Apparently since my going away party for the summer where we played board games it's become a weekly tradition.  I look forward to spending more Fridays in community with these friends. 

It's people not things that will matter in the long run and while I struggle to unpack my house as I didn't fully unpack before I came to America I realize I am so blessed. You see I have a friend who loves to organize, which has never been my strengths but a wise friend once said when we see a strength in others that is a weakness in us and ask them for help it makes them feel honored. The Father created us for this. If we all had the same weakness or strength would we really be able to engage in vulnerability.

I'm learning to be okay with asking for help but also what I can do on my own through His strength. I am proud of the woman He continues to form me into and what I continue to accomplish and dream because He is my prize and my eyes are set on bringing a little heaven to this earth.

I'm thankful for the people and experiences who have and continue to mold me. Thankful for those in America and those in Lao who continue to sharpen and refine me. 

Thank you for your continued prayers! May I see things through heavens eyes.

"Till we meet, till we meet, till we meet at Jesus feet! God be with you till we meet again!"

My groceries that cost me about $30

My toilet seat officially has seen better days good thing I know how to squat till I can get that fixed!

Spilled cake

The mess in my fridge

All this to say I am still happy to have had someone watch my house while I was gone and keep it quite clean. I mean if a little mess in the fridge is all that happened I guess I shouldn't complain. The toilet seat is all my own doing but it will be mended in due time!

Grace

 These past two months have been a whirlwind. I miraculously made it to America and back to Laos. Two years apart changes a person. However, I was met with grace on both sides. Time changes a person but so does love. I was overwhelmed by so many things but perhaps the biggest thing was people's kindness and grace. People often when I told them of things that happened would reply you're a more gracious person than I would have been, or man you look at things with such grace. I owe that to my father. He always taught me that it was better to be gracious than right and strived to live that example. Both my heavenly Father and earthly one emit that radiance. I couldn't have that perspective without them. So remember when trials come or faced with adversary it is better to be gracious than right and hopefully when the tides are turned the people you showed grace to will show it back. Thankful for such wonderful people in my life on both sides of the globe. This is only possible by His grace not my own. May I live to honor Him alone!

Planting and Growing

I often go and visit my friends Minnie and Mary. I have actually become closer to her sister Dani. Mary and her kids sat inside watching t.v. I was bored I wanted to do something so I came outside and began helping Minnie. She is the 50 or 60 year old mother.  I never had the opportunity of seeing Minnie teach. She was my boss for a long time but her English is miniscule. However, she tries. As I helped her plant the eggplant. I struggled. I ran back and forth to get more from Dani. I wasn't burying the roots enough. I was  avoiding the red ants and continually flicking them off my gloves and my poor Crocs were sinking into the mud. Minnie was kind. "Oh, Kathryn your doing so good. Wow! Just amazing came out of her mouth." I knew that I was creating more work rather than helping but she genuinely was proud of her American daughter for trying.

I think that's often how the Father feels about us. We're messy, we make things complicated, but all He sees is we're trying.  

A few weeks later I would go back and we would be preparing for Vietnamese New Year. Mary's mother in law would remake and rewrap almost every Khaimouk I made. It was hard, I'd laugh and feel distraught but wouldn't give up. When I was almost in tears they made me take a break and Dani showed me how the eggplants I had helped with were growing. Minnie again called them the eggplants I had grown. I laughed and spoke the truth but she only said "You did well. You'll get it just keep coming back." Of course this was all in Lao but I began to realize what a wonderful teacher she must have been.

Before she had even offered that I take the best ones from the bunch. To which I replied how about we eat them together. Afterall, not only did I not deserve the best but they would go to waste. I am one person and they are 19. How much better they would be enjoyed together. 

Again I think that's how the Father is. He would offer us it all but He knows we couldn't handle it. He patiently sits there in the middle of it with us all and shares it little by little. 

A few weeks later it was finished. They had picked it and I happened to be there. It was to be a part of our dinner, but it wasn't eggplant. It was a form of Spinach. I had thought I was growing eggplant. She handed me the bundle I had picked to wash. To be honest I wasn't sure how to wash it in the silver basin so I washed it once then dumped out the water which flooded the paved area. Dani just laughed. I washed it a second time and then left the water unsure of how to dispose of it. Yet again I was credited with "doing such a good job."

Again, it wasn't what I thought. I was graciously credited because I trust and I got to eat in the bounty of it. That is how our Father works. Things aren't often what we think they are but He knows better. He just asks that we show up, do our best and blesses us in ways we can't imagine if we choose to see him in the little things or in fact even in everything.

In this season go to Him where ever you are and remember He has better for you. He cares about you. He loves you and it's not about us but what He can do in and through us if we are willing to follow after Him. 

Will you bloom where you are planted today even if it's spinach instead of eggplant?

I Saw a Sign and it Opened Up my Eyes I Saw the Sign

 Somethings get lost in translation. Some are just fun. Whatever the deal billboards take over the city of Vientiane. Here are some of my favorites:

Signs often are blocked by poles

Covid 19 Signs

Do you want to rant or rent?

Not a sign but this tractor blocked the entrance to a shopping center. Guess you have to go in and out the exit. Random hilarous stuff like this happens all the time. 

This is my Favorite sign. It is actually for beer. I am not really a drinker but there marketing is so good. It's basically saying our product is so good even the foreigner will want it and engage. We've got the American/European, Korean and I think Japanese engaging with the Lao family. Would love to know who does their marketing?

Our equvialent of don't drink and drive. Unfortunately most don't heed to this warning and it results in a lot of deaths. 

Last but not least, they recently built these beautiful light poles down the main road leading to downtown in front of the Presidential palace. However, they block almost every sign.