I'm not going to lie, life's been difficult lately. Being an adult is hard, but I have no doubt that my father sent me back to Laos for a reason. For the first time in a long time I feel whole. I feel at peace amongst storms.
I have days where I'm not sure what I'm doing here. Where it seems like I'm never enough for my students, the parents, the principal. But then it dawns on me I'm here to respect and honor them but the favor I should ultimately long for is that of my Father.
I don't know if I asked for it or He graciously gave it to me but for the past few days all I think of is his faithfulness. Some of the memories are happy and some of them sad but they all point me and others closer to him.
For example, I had way too much caffiene at the wedding but it was that or beer and though the spiritual darkness I remember a moment of anger by my friend Nina and how it was repaired a few days later drawing her closer to him and myself.
I have been doing a lot of things alone and it's difficult in a culture where that is not acceptable. I went to both weddings alone and was going to go to the VIGMF alone when someone from my life group commented and joined me. I so enjoyed getting to know her a bit more and just sitting in her presence.
At the beach I was able to pick up some seashells and though my students thought nothing of it I remember as a child scouring shores where stores had picked up the majority of them to sell.
The road to the wedding was muddy and I almost fell off today but I asked some friends to lift up travels home and He provided safe passage.
It's been raining a lot here and I believe He loves this nation. May He continue to cleanse it, May He provide you with little reminders of His love, and may we never doubt his faithfulness.
At the wedding tears welled up as they prayed to Buddha. I thought I really am alone then a small voice said "No your not. I am here. Pray in my name..." so I did and though this journey might be lonely sometimes I am never truly alone.
