Little Reminders

I'm not going to lie, life's been difficult lately. Being an adult is hard, but I have no doubt that my father sent me back to Laos for a reason. For the first time in a long time I feel whole. I feel at peace amongst storms.

I have days where I'm not sure what I'm doing here. Where it seems like I'm never enough for my students, the parents, the principal. But then it dawns on me I'm here to respect and honor them but the favor I should ultimately long for is that of my Father.

I don't know if I asked for it or He graciously gave it to me but for the past few days all I think of is his faithfulness. Some of the memories are happy and some of them sad but they all point me and others closer to him.

For example, I had way too much caffiene at the wedding but it was that or beer and though the spiritual darkness I remember a moment of anger by my friend Nina and how it was repaired a few days later drawing her closer to him and myself.

I have been doing a lot of things alone and it's difficult in a culture where that is not acceptable. I went to both weddings alone and was going to go to the VIGMF alone when someone from my life group commented and joined me. I so enjoyed getting to know her a bit more and just sitting in her presence.

At the beach I was able to pick up some seashells and though my students thought nothing of it I remember as a child scouring shores where stores had picked up the majority of them to sell.

The road to the wedding was muddy and I almost fell off today but I asked some friends to lift up travels home and He provided safe passage.

It's been raining a lot here and I believe He loves this nation. May He continue to cleanse it, May He provide you with little reminders of His love, and may we never doubt his faithfulness.

At the wedding tears welled up as they prayed to Buddha. I thought I really am alone then a small voice said "No your not. I am here. Pray in my name..." so I did and though this journey might be lonely sometimes I am never truly alone.

It's gonna be a good day

Today was a good day. I needed that! I've been so overwhelmed. Perhaps that's normal but I forget what it is like starting over again. I'm having to adjust my expectations of myself, others and my students.

Last week was rough. I forget sometimes how hard it is to get things done here. Some people find it easy and make me feel stupid but I find it hard. Sure, I have the language but you have to find the right parts of town where certain things are. For example, I want to buy a fan but the search is overwhelming, not the language just the search. If I go to one of the bigger stores they'll have them but they're more expensive and they don't help you. The smaller side of the road shops are better. However, they're easier to pass by and things, people and location are always changing.

Another example is today I went to what used to be one of my favorite night markets. I really wanted dried meat. There used to be like 5 sellers so it was cheap. Tonight there was only one. Hers was twice what I normally pay and they were all burned on the end! I bought other things but not the thing I came for because it wasn't there anymore.

However, today was still a success. I think my TA (teacher's aid and I) had a really good start to the week. And my mentor totally griped my students out for me because at the end of the day they refused to get in line. It's always nice having someone to back you up. I think we may have even started to be friends.

I went home around 4:30 exhausted. I tried to write my lesson plan but I'm not sure how gibberish it sounds but it works for now. I also found out what they learned in phonics total last year. I'm still trying to figure out their phonics pro gramme and making sure I spell things the British way.

I then put my laundry in and laid down and watched Netflix for a bit until my laundry finished. After that I went to the market. I also went and bought dinner from Swedish. I really love the meatballs with lingon berry jam and gravy. It only cost me about $7. However, everything I bought at the night market totaled to the price of two meals. It's enough food through Wednesday or Thursday if I play it right.

It's just overwhelming that in total I went to 4 places(including my Sunday market trip) in total to get 3 days of food. I miss big refrigerators and driving cars. All this to say 2 1/2 hours later I sit at home with my warm soy milk, that kindles fond memories, thankful for the strength for the day and I don't negate the few friends I spoke with yesterday about being overwhelmed and their thoughts for me. It was a long day but I successfully completed my checklist and was home by 8:30pm. I'm proud of myself and asking our father for more good days! Also I'm pretty sure my wounds are all healed! Praising him for that too!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

I'm not going to lie and say it's getting easier but I'm content with the path I've chosen. About two weeks ago I went to the doctor to see if they could remove some moles from a sensitive area and they did it that day. I was a little shocked I was expecting to have to wait and they literally burned the flesh. All but two wounds have healed. I have no water in my apartment so daily I boil water. It's quite annoying. When I get paid I'm going to buy a tera clear. It's a pot that filters water so I can have clean water all the time. I also don't have Wifi though I was promised it.

But I do have a great Teacher's Aid (TA) that I adore. I love the community I work with and am enjoying teaching. I'm still trying to get the hang of this whole year one thing (kindergarten). There so full of energy but just want to play. I'm trying to make things fun for them but they're just aren't enough hours in the day. I also was handed a rough class. The Year 1 teacher literally looped with her kids because she didn't want my group. Though they are a rough bunch I love them!

Laughter

Life in Laos is laughable quite often. I’m sure it is in most of Asia but I can only speak for Laos. After a tough trip to get here I laugh I’m not even in my apartment yet. I’m thankful to have conscious discipline tools in my back pocket as I STAR a stop take a deep breath and relax quite often. You see first I had baggage problems, then I couldn’t move into my house and today I went to a cafe where in another part of the city they had green tea latte but here they don’t so I settled for ice cream. It’s rough sometimes but it’s good to have to readjust my expectations and find joy in what is available instead. Below are some pictures of things so far. Ironically I’m in love with the night bus I rode it so I would have someplace to stay after traveling for a week I hope Friday to be officially home for awhile.He night bus was so much better than flying! Ha I not want to fly for awhile! But I have a choice to make do I get angry and frustrated or just take a deep breath and laugh!

I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream!

I don't like that many sweets. I've always been more of a salty person but I cannot resist ice cream. Right before I left, when I was down to a week it hit me hard. I finished a good portion of my task like paying bills, cancelling things and I was visiting a friend.

A different friend had told me that although I was excited it was hard for her and to be gracious to my friends. I had something to look forward too but they were loosing something they loved. I smiled thankful for her kindness. In my exhaustion I didn't really know what to think. I loved them but knew I needed to go to my other home.

However, 3 days later as I held one of my friends in my hands and felt her body tremble and shake through the tears the sadness hit me. It was like unintentionally she was starting a river inside of me too. Her words were "It's hard to say goodbye to good friends, but I'll see you next year." In my heart of hearts I don't know if I'll come to NWA next year. I will miss my friends but so much will happen in a year. It's unrealistic for me to expect them to stop their worlds for a week or two while I'm home.

I'm not sure if it was sadness or fear that overtook me or grief and loss for us both but all I wanted was ICE CREAM. Just like in every chick flick. I probably gained 10 lbs in two weeks but none on vacation only preparing. ICE CREAM at first was my go to until I remembered wait my fathers words are way sweeter than any ice cream could be and spent more time with him instead.

Life is funny, you know!

As I left Laos last March due to unexplained circumstances my heart dropped. Those who know me well know Laos is my home. I spent the next few months in various peoples houses, using several different cars, recovering from the pain of loss and trying to figure out my next steps when out of the blue I received an email from Heathfield International School in Laos.

I had sent an email months earlier but had kind of moved on trying to figure out my next steps. It read something along the lines of "Dear Kathryn, We have a Yr1 position (Kindergarten) open and would like to interview you for it if that's something you desire at the time." A week later I interviewed. They told me to wait 4 or 5 days for a second interview but then told me I had the job.

If I had been a nail biter I would have been biting them like crazy! You see this is my calling. I have been loved so much I need to love on Lao people. Not that I'm all sacrificial they are quite kind and loving to me too. But I was going to have to miss my best friends wedding among other milestones.
Whoever said "You can have your cake and eat it to" must not have lived very many places. I can't have all my cake. I have to share it but I must not let that diminish the joy of the slices I have.

You see this morning I knew I had made the right choice when I received this picture. What? You're probably saying? I wanted to go back but I still wanted to be able to hangout and reach out to some of the same Lao friends. 

I guess I had called her the other day and she said"Sorry, I was busy in a meeting so I couldn't answer." and sent this picture. Lao people are funny. I'm not sure if she was joking or serious but it gave me a good laugh.

I replied"ha ha it's okay." She then began to ask me questions. When do you come back? Where will you be staying? I answered them " August 15th. At the school I am teaching at." I could hear the underscored squeals in her voice as she texted me in Lao"Oh good so close to me. We can visit often. " I told her " I liked that and hoped so."

You see even when we can't see it he gives us reminders that we are taken care of. I can't wait to tell you all stories of what I learn and what my father teaches me in this next chapter.