Leprosy

I've been reading Philip Yancey's Where is God When it Hurts?  The thing that has stood out the most to me lately is his talk about leprosy. I also have been reading in Leviticus and the past two days have been on the same topic. It talks about pain and how it serves us, without it we would have a huge void. It tells us when to slow down and when to stop. We utilize it every day.  We take it for-granted especially when we go through something that is hard. God allows pain in our lives so that we can connect more closely with one another and Him.

The worst part about being a leper would not have been the loss of arms or ligaments. It was the inability to feel many sensations and express oneself. Till reading this book I hadn't realize what frustration it must be to be a leper. They can't express themselves in any way.  They don't feel the pain but they must still feel that emotional sadness. The inability to connect with others. "Like muscles, our senses can atrophy."

We live in a society where I feel many people walk around as emotional lepers afraid or unable to communicate their feelings. We isolate ourselves, we justify consumerism and the collection of junk to feed our voids when relationship is the only true thing that satisfies. Technology connects but also destructs. We lose our reason, we worship ourselves instead of our creator forgetting the sacrifices He has made. We live in a dangerous age and my prayer is that the Lord spares us and we turn our hearts towards Him and away from this world. May I seek each day to bring a little bit of heaven to earth. Without pain there is no pleasure. Imagine not being able to experience both.

Philip Yancey quotes George Wald "We somehow hope to live full emotional lives when we have carefully expunged the sources of the deepest human emotions. When you have no experience of pain, it is rather hard to experience joy."

The Good in the Bad

I have a family I met 3 years ago when I was teaching the mother English. They have become good friends. She is married and has 2 kids one in the 8th grade and one in the 5th. Her 8th grader and I have also become good friends. She is a kind-hearted child and a kindred spirit. Inadvertently looking back over the past 2 years I have kind of discipled her. She is more talented than I will ever be. She is in band, choir and now color guard. Her confidence and kindness for such a child blows me away.

 For years she has played the keyboard. Last Monday night for her band recital they brought out a grand piano. She had never touched one but played beautifully in front of a live audience. My job was to tape it for the family. I wanted to portrait the magnitude in the video so as she began to play I stood up and walked down the aisle to the walkways. As I stood up the camera lid fell off my lap. I recorded the whole thing teary eyed from amazement but when it was over my heart sank.

 I thought I the lid had rolled down, down, down way down the stage below, It dropped had dropped at least 20 feet. I sat there anxiously the rest of the concert. The mom did not say anything because she didn't want to make me feel worse and could tell how nervous I was. All that was going through my head is okay it's just money I'll buy them a new one but hopefully they won't have to wait to long and the screen won't get scratched. This is like an $800 camera guys so not anything cheap. When it was over the 5th grader plunged through the aisles searching. Every muscle in my body clinched. When she held up the lid I began to cry and sing "God is so good." tears of joy and laughter coated my face as she laughed too. 

The 8th grader had been having sharp pains in her side, that Wednesday she was admitted to the hospital. For a year a cyst had been growing on her ovaries and it was 6 inches in diameter! Over the past few days the mother, daughter and I would sing that same song. We changed it to crying is good, crying is so good, crying is so good sometimes you just gotta cry. And ice cream is so good ice cream so good ice cream is so good it is yummy in my tummy and also sang God is so good. This has been a trying year but our Father makes each year a little harder and a little better. The things he has brought me through this year amaze and scare me. I don't know what depths lay next but I know He is faithful and good even when I don't see it. 

The 8th grader had surgery, is doing well and still healing. Last night I sat with her for 2 hours while visitors talked with her parents about it. I am thankful that He made me an intuitive person because her eyes became tearful and voice a bit whimpery and nervous so we talked about other things. This was a good reminder to me of how easily it is to get blinded like a non-believer by the pain of this world. We need to be distracted sometimes to see the good things around us. There have been times when I am so tuned into the pain of this world that I forget He has carried it all, there is a bigger picture. I am thankful for community that helps to lift me up when I hit rock bottom. I ask the Father for that in Laos and that for you all that He would put people in your life that distract you with his goodness and remind you that he is faithful and good. I am thankful that He used me in this 8th graders life as a reminder to myself to. He works in mysterious ways. What a wonderful, intriguing Father He is. Sometimes we are the ones blessing but sometimes we are the ones being blessed, and sometimes it is both. Last night was one of these moments for me.

End of an Era

Today I speak at a Hmong Fellowship which is a bit nerve racking but I'm asking my Father for His provisions. I talked with one of my good friends in Laos a few weeks ago and she lifted me up. She asked our dad that I might meet with people who were blessed to be a blessing and able to give. I loved her simple words and I'm trying to live by them. I am thankful that I am not overwhelmed by the money but I am still nervous as I am only at 25% of what I need. I'm lifting up what I can do differently.

Tomorrow ends an era in my life. I have worked for 13 months at a Thrift Store. It has been hard and humbling and I am glad to end this season but a little sad to leave behind the customers and coworkers that I've gotten to know. 

Tomorrow evening I am also speaking at an all girls group. I hope a lot of them come. Then I'm speaking again at a group I was a part of for years.  Please be asking that the Father points me in the right direction. He's always been faithful but sometimes my flesh takes over. May I have the courage to ask for money without fear. May I fear the Lord more than I fear what man thinks of me.

This has been a very full year. I have had my sororities 60th anniversary, Cru's 50th anniversary and now in August I'm heading to Laos. There are a lot of unknowns but He continues to build my trust.

Please be lifting up stamina and that I would be faithful and diligent with my time. I will be nannying 3 days a week leaving me more time to rest and support raise. I have hit some low lows this year but He sought me through. I used to think each year was harder because of choices I made but now I realize it's because of His grace and not what I do but what He has done so I can be more and more like Him.